knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit
wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
That was deep
philosophy is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie
That was deeper.
common sense is knowing that ketchup ain’t no damn smoothie
that was the deepest
“oh, there are pictures.. I keep them where I need the most cheering up.”
For those who don’t know the story behind this:
Before Maggie was born, Homer Simpson worked at the Nuclear Plant because he needed the money to pay for all the debt. Once Homer Simpson finally payed the debt, he quit his job to work at his dream job at the bowling alley. When Homer Simpson found out that Marge was pregnant with Maggie, he became depressed that he had to quit his job at the bowling alley because the salary couldn’t support them. When Homer Simpson begged Mr. Burns for his old life back, he put a plaque that reads “Don’t Forget: You’re Here Forever.” When Maggie was born, Homer instantly fell in love with her. When Lisa asked Homer where did all Maggie’s baby pictures went, Homer explains that he keeps it where he needs it the most.
i cant handle this
will u still snapchat me when i am no longer young and beautiful
no, because when we’re older i’ll be seeing your face on the pillow next to mine
i swear to god if this site gets any smoother i’m gonna slip and fall on my ass
Then I wish I was the floor.
His pledge to her:
i will kill the spiders. i will share my fries with you when you’ve finished all yours and are still hungry. i won’t ever pop my collar. i will never be rude to your tummy- when i hear it growl and gurgle. i promise to bend down and reply respectfully. i will eat the mushrooms when we order the supreme pizza. i will kiss the papercuts. and the door-slammed finger, and the counter-bumped hip. i’ll try my hardest not to get annoyed when you whisper questions and comments during movies. i will be the big spoon. i will let you win at wrestling, sometimes. other times i will not. i will go faster. harder. i will pull when you want. and tease you when you don’t. i will send you random texts and leave you silly gifts. not always. not on schedule. just whenever i want to. whenever i think you need one. or seven. i will check your tire pressure. and remind you to take your car in. i will hold your hand. i will love you. i will love you. i will love you.
I’m pretty sure I’ve reblogged this before, but it’s so perfect.
i think I am going to cry
I think at least 200,000 of those notes are me reblogging this
This is so cute omg
this is literally my favorite ever, I’ve saved this quote on my phone and I read it all the time. It’s fucking perfect
My cousin got hit by a truck.
He’s fine nothing broken but he has the sickest bruise ever!! Like holy shit you can see the outline of his muscles and bones on his chest?
This thing is awesome.
I told him he should get it tatted to always remember that he survived getting hit by a truck lol
<How to Get a Boyfriend>
- Order a cup of coffee to take-out.
- Give the coffee to a male you are interested in and tell him, “If the coffee tastes good, we date; if not, bug off.”
- The coffee at our café is good. It is guaranteed that you will end up dating.
- If, by chance, you get dumped, then come back. We will give you a cup of hot coffee that you can pour on his face.
Love that last one…
Let’s go on a road trip together. Just you and me.